It’s quite obvious that any couple who are suffering from delayed ejaculation – where a man can’t ejaculate in a timely way during intercourse – have a serious sexual problem.
This is because intercourse will never be satisfactory for the woman, and indeed may be extremely unsatisfactory if she is subject to long periods of thrusting without adequate lubrication.
Conversely for the man, while soreness of the penis is a possibility, it’s likely that he’s going to get extremely frustrated, his sexual self-esteem is going to diminish, and he’s going to be left with a feeling of inadequacy and dissatisfaction that he is not able to satisfy his partner during sexual intercourse.
Now this is hardly a satisfactory recipe for sexual harmony in a marriage – or indeed in a relationship between two partners who love each other. So what’s to be done about this problem?
The first question you might well be asking yourself is why a man should ever be unable to ejaculate! And especially during intercourse – it runs counter to everything we expect of men, where premature ejaculation is clearly a much more serious and common problem for men who are trying to make love to a woman.
The answer to this is very hard to establish without a detailed investigation of the psychology of the man concerned, an exploration of why he’s experiencing these difficulties, and how it is that he fails to ejaculate in an ordinary way – reaching the point of ejaculation without much difficulty….
But generally speaking, 99 times out of a 100, the cause of delayed ejaculation is emotional. It’s a psychological problem such as hatred or anger or resentment towards the female partner. Or a more generalized difficulty that the man has in “opening himself up” (emotionally speaking) to be intimate and connect with another person.
Now I know this is very sweeping, but broadly speaking it’s regarded by most therapists as a problem that can’t be solved easily. However the truth of the matter is that with willingness and clear intention on the part of the man and his partner to overcome these difficulties, this problem can almost always be solved.
If you’re in a situation where you want to understand delayed ejaculation much better, perhaps if you’re a man who has delayed ejaculation, or a female partner to such a man, and you want to overcome the difficulties inherent in not being able to reach orgasm during intercourse, then this may well help you if you cannot come in your quest to ejaculate normally.
In fact, it’s likely to help even if you can come, because it offers generalized advice both from people who have severe delayed ejaculation – such as the men who cannot come during masturbation – as well as those who have milder forms of DE in which they are able to ejaculate during intercourse, but only with great difficulty.
By the way, many porn films feature people – men – who have degree of delayed ejaculation, and are able to thrust a long period of time before reaching orgasm. Is quite deleterious to the average man self-esteem to compare himself with such ridiculous performances which are driven by biological defects such as delayed ejaculation.
Now, I’m not referring to delayed ejaculation as a defect in the sense of some kind of moral deficiency, but in terms of the reduced satisfaction and pleasure that the partners in a relationship can achieve during sexual intercourse when this dysfunction is prevalent.
Because the kind of man who experiences delayed ejaculation often finds it difficult to communicate to his partner, his situation is often made worse by the fact that communication between the partners inevitably leads to conflict and disharmony over a long period of time.
No matter how willing his woman might be to engage in dialogue, the man finds it impossible to broach the subject and talk about his sexual issues, so often professional counselling or therapeutic help is a good idea to overcome this difficulty and establish good communication.
On the other hand, there’s a lot to be said for working this out between yourselves in your relationship at home, because that’s where the problem centers – in the relationship.
Delayed ejaculation isn’t a particularly male problem or a particularly female problem: it’s a relationship problem, and it’s up to both partners to find a way of talking about it so that they can resolve their sexual difficulties.